After the Fight
by mx2blue326
Summary: The war is over. The rebels have won. Panem is being reborn from the ashes. A lonely 17 year old girl is sent back to District 12. What destiny awaits her? Love? Friendship? Haunting memories? Family? You'll just have to read to find out. Rated T.
1. Prologue

**Hello fellow Hunger Games fans!**

**After reading **_**Mockingjay**_** by Suzanne Collins, I felt so sad. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad things worked out that way. But how did it get there? I feel as though there's a whole other storyline waiting to be told connecting the day Peeta planted the Primrose bushes to that day in the meadow. So if you would like to hear my fantasy of events that led to the conclusion of the Hunger Games Trilogy, then enjoy!**

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing - all ideas and rights go to the lovely Suzanne Collins. Thanks for all three books of pure magic. For without them, I'd have no story to share.**

**Preface:**

The smoke still hangs in the air above what used to be District 12. The Victor's Village remains unscathed, and for that, I am grateful. The war has ended and President Snow as well as President Coin are dead. The final blood has been shed and it's all over. My mother has abandoned all hope of returning to this wretched place I call home. But, it is the only home I have ever known. This is where my roots are, this is where I lived my childhood. My sister, one of the few joys in my life is gone forever. I have lost my best friend to a deed that cannot go forgotten, it was unforgivable. What to do now?

*ooOoo*

Oh! How rude of me. I'm pouring out all my woes to you, and you still have no clue who I am. My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17 years old. I live in the Victors Villiage of the sad remains of District 12. I am one of the Victors of the 74th Hunger Games. I am the mockingjay and the face of the rebels who destroyed the evil Capitol of Panem. The closest person I have to me here is Peeta Mellark. He is my fellow Victor of the 74th Hunger Games. He is the only thing I have left, besides Haymitch. But Haymitch's wife and family are pure white liquor. He answers to no one, can't have one conversation with me without us going for each other's throats, lies, and drinks. Yet we still love each other. No, not that kind of love. More like... older brother and younger sister sort of relationship? I guess we do kind of have those charming qualities. We fight all the time but that's why I love him, Haymitch that is. Okay, hold up. You're still caught on _that_ kind of love, aren't you? Can't a girl mention it without explaining herself? Alright, you caught me.

Peeta. The _other _boy. That's who you're think about. The one that I pretended to be madly in love with just so that we would get out of those Games alive. The one who recently has tried to kill me on multiple occasions. The boy with the bread. That Peeta? Yeah him. I still don't know how I feel. There are times when I feel so good with him. But then that best friend, the one who most likely had a hand in murdering my sister, Gale, he comes back to haunt me. If we had lived in an alternate universe where the Hunger Games never existed, we may have had something. But we don't and now we'll never know. He probably has girls swooning over him wherever he is. Holding another girl in his arms. Last I heard he was somewhere in District 2, with a new job in the military. I'm relieved, now I don't have to worry about seeing him. I don't know what I'd do.

Anyway, want to hear the rest of my story? Then keep reading. I really hope the odds are in your favor. More so than they were in mine, anyway.

**I'll try to update soon! Same rules apply to this story as my Maximum Ride fanfic. No comments are necessary. If you want to reply go ahead. Up to you. Though they're nice to hear - they're completely optional for I know you have lives too. So go live it! **

**I also would like to make clear that I will not make any promises of when I will update. We all know how dreadful I've been with my other story... sigh. Let's hope this one gets my creative juices flowing. **

**May the Odds Be **_**Ever**_** In Your Favor,**

**Mx2Blue326**


	2. Chapter 1

**Hey Everyone!**

**Thanks for the reviews! You guys are so sweet! Let's see where this next chapter takes us!**

**Disclaimer****: As much as I would love to take credit for coming up with something and mind-boggling and amazing as **_**The Hunger Games**_**, I didn't, so all rights go to Suzanne Collins!**

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><p><strong>Heh... I just figured out how to do that. I'm so smart. ;P<strong>

**CHAPTER 1**

I wake up and the sunlight is streaming through my window. I get dressed and put on my father's old hunting jacket. Yes, it has survived the war. I put it on and trudge downstairs to make myself breakfast then head outside to water the Primrose bushes Peeta had planted. I would make sure they flourish so nobody will be able to forget the precious, brave, beautiful girl named after them.

As I step outside I get a pang in my chest as I see the innocent light yellow blossoms growing and living while my sister, wasn't. A sob breaks out, starting from my throat and spreading to my chest. _She's gone, she's really gone._ Is all I think about when I sink to my knees. I hear footsteps behind me. They stop a few feet away. I turn to see Peeta, his hands dusty with white flour. He's been baking again.

"Hey." I say with a sniffle. I haven't seen him much since that last time he planted the trees.

"Hey." He replies still standing rigidly. "I heard you crying. Wanted to make sure you were alright." He said softly. His blue eyes are wary, but calm, concerned, and in control.

"I am, thanks. I just miss her." Peeta nods in understanding and I swallow and stand getting the hose attached to my house. I start watching the water spray, falling on the little trees, creating little diamonds on the leaves.

"So you're baking again." I say to make conversation. Things aren't as bad as they were, between us, but they were far from what they used to be.

"Yeah. I figured that once the District is all cleaned up, I would try to rebuild my parent's bakery. It was in the village. They served cookies, and cakes, and bread. Real or not real?" He asks watching me.

"Real. You used to make frosted flowers on the cakes and cookies." I replied with a small smile.

"Yeah. It was the only thing I was good for." He replied.

"No, you were really good at keeping me alive in the Games, and out of trouble when we got back from them." I said softly, caught up in my thoughts. I laughed a little. "You were good at chasing the nightmares away too..." I let my voice trail off, realizing what I had just said. I flushed in embarrassment.

"You used to wake up screaming on the train and in the training center. I would come and wake you up and check on you?" He sort of asked.

"Yeah. I would let you into my bed every night and you would hold me until I fell asleep again. I'm almost never able to sleep alone without the nightmares hitting." I say going with the truth. Maybe it would remind him about better times.

"And then when we slept together you tried to kill me in my sleep. Real or not real?" He asked, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Not real. I never tried to kill you except in the first Games when I thought you were with the Careers trying to come after me. But, you saved me from Cato, and he cut your leg. After we became allies I tried my hardest to keep you alive." I admitted.

"You almost killed me at the end when they said only one of us could live. Isn't that right?"

"I did. But I threw my weapon down after you did. I was thinking only of myself, actually thinking you were going to stab me with your knife. But you threw it in the lake instead. I felt really bad afterwards. And I pulled out the berries, hoping to keep both of us alive." I said, defending myself.

"That year Haymitch chose you to sponsor. Real or not real?"

"Real. But the next year, in the Quarter Quell, I tried to keep you alive. I wanted you to be Victor even though I knew I wouldn't make it back alive, but that kind of backfired." I say wincing at the memories.

"Yeah. But you told me in the Capitol, during the rebellion, that we take care of each other, it's what we do." Peeta said, quoting me.

"Yeah, and we still do." I tell him looking into his deep blue eyes. No matter what has happened, nothing, not even the tracker-jacker venom, can make them completely lose their depth and sincerity. Those beautiful blue eyes. I sigh to myself looking down at my hands. Will we ever be friends again?

"I know, Katniss." I turn to look up at him. His eyes are steady and intent on mine.

"Is that why you stopped me from taking the nightlock pill?" I ask him. I was always wondering what made him put his hand there and tell me 'I can't'. A confused look passed over his face. Conflicting emotions ran over it. I watched in silence. Finally, he replied.

"I don't know. All I know is that your words really stuck with me. In the Capitol, when I asked you if you were still trying to protect me, and you replied, 'Yes', well, I wouldn't forget something like that. Not easily. And when you said that, I knew I had to protect you too. With us, it isn't just a one way thing. It has to go both ways or it just doesn't work." His speech brought tears to my eyes.

"Thanks. For that, for stopping me." I whispered.

"You're welcome." I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms gently around his neck. I hope he remembered when I did the exact same thing before we parted ways in the Capitol. I hoped he took this gesture as, _I don't want to hurt you. I never did. And I'm here for you._ Just like in the Captiol he hesitated but wrapped his arms around my waist. They were warm and strong. Still not as steady as they used to be, but over time, I hoped they would get there.

I stepped back and smiled at him keeping all my emotions on my face. I wanted him to trust me and see that I was a friend. Not an enemy, or even just an ally. Nothing else, but a friend.

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><p><strong>I know they're short. But we're still setting the stage. I wanted you to see where Peeta and Katniss's relationship stand right now.<strong>

**Also, for me, two chapters in two days! That's a new record. Haha!**

**-Mx2Blue326**


	3. Chapter 2

**Hey!**

**Thanks for the reviews. You guys are so sweet. I even got my first piece of real constructive criticism. I admit it was an eye-opener, but it was put in a polite but get-to-the-point kind of way. So thank you, Katie. ;)**

**Dislcaimer:**** Suzanne Collins. Learn it, love it, respect it. She owns all rights to Hunger Games & Co. not me.**

**Chapter 2**

As I walked away from Peeta, suddenly I'm exhausted. Too much, too fast. I can't believe I'd admitted all I did to Peeta. But the thing was, he hadn't gone ballistic. He'd taken it all in stride. I also realized just how lonely I was. I hadn't had too much human affection, let alone contact, in a while. And it felt good to have his arms around me, but it still wasn't the right thing to do. I guess I finally had gone crazy. I needed my head examined. Too bad I've been ignoring the Doctor's calls. Heh. But, how could I tell someone who could have, in a seconds notice _kill me,_ everything thought and feeling I had right now? My throat still throbs with the memory of his hands choking the life out of me. You think I would have learned from the Games. Guess not.

What I needed to do right now was have something to occupy my hands. Something to take control over my mind, something safer than thinking. And the only solution I could think of was hunting. I retreated into the woods. My sanctuary now, the same as it was before the Games. The trees were my friends. I knew every knot, leaf, and root. Every nook and cranny of our - _my_ woods. I grit my teeth against the painful memory of my companion who used to walk these woods with me all those years. I give my head an angry shake and focus. I went to the tree that still held my father's old bows and arrows. I brought them out and started the hunt. I hadn't gone too far when I saw a rabbit. _Perfect._

_Take an arrow._

_String it._

_Close one eye._

_Concentrate._

_Let it fly._

It was dead before it knew what had hit it. One arrow, one clean kill. Old habits die hard, I guess. I headed deeper into the woods.

*ooOoo*

The only bad thing about using a distraction to take your mind off things is that it's temporary. As soon as you're done, you start thinking again. Me and thinking, aren't doing so well together right now.

But, luckily, I find myself a new distraction. Greasy Sae. I head over to her house and give her some of my kills. I don't need them all and I had a good haul today. Almost all of my snares had caught something in them and I picked up a few stray rabbits on the way. _Gale would've been impressed._ I wince as that unwanted thought rises to the surface, again. With an effort I push it back down, where it belongs. Twice in one day, not good.

"Fresh meat, finally. I'll make it into a stew and bring you some tonight." Greasy Sae says. Her granddaughter is at their table playing with the ball of blue yarn she'd taken from my mother's knitting basket. I was glad to see it had a use again. I go over to her.

"Hey, do you like that ball of yarn?" I ask her. She looks up at me with in surprise. Normally I'm quiet, reserved. But she smiles at me and nods. "When you come with your grandmother I'll give you the rest that was left in the basket." I tell her. I know I've done the right thing when her eyes light up. I'm glad I can at least make one person happy. The innocence on her little face reminds me of Prim and Rue. I sigh.

"Okay. Thanks." I reply turning my attention back to Greasy Sae. I force myself to stick to as minimal talking as possible. I'm not in the mood to let my mouth win over my brain again.

As I walk through the district I see the work being done to clear away the rubble and ash. They were still picking out the bodies. I turned away and almost ran the rest of the way home.

But fate wasn't being kind to me today. I run into Peeta again, coming out of Haymitch's house.

"Hi, Katniss." He says.

"Hi."

"Go hunting?" He asks.

"Yeah." I turn to look at him. His face is still wary, but I've gotten used to it by now. It's like that anytime he sees me.

"Catch anything?"

"Yeah. I got a lot." I answer. I'm surprised he hasn't mentioned our deep talk before. Guess he thinks it's better to keep whats in the past, in the past. Like me. I sigh, but am glad I don't have to explain my hasty, unplanned actions.

"That's good."

"Yeah. Thanks. I'll see you later, bye." I say trying to end this awkward conversation. It felt too polite and formal for my taste.

"Oh, Katniss." I stop and half-turn so I can meet his eyes again.

"Yeah?" I ask, wary and tense. _Please don't bring up our _other_ conversation..._

"You should really call Dr. Aurelius. I don't think you have yet, but unless you want some unwanted visitors, you better talk to him. He's just trying to do his job, but you won't pick up the phone." Peeta tells me. I nod and turn around and open the door to my house.

I'm relieved but not as surprised as I should have been. That's what the old Peeta would have done too. Been worried about someone else, tried to help them so that they won't lose their job. I'm just surprised it's something he did that involved me.

As if we were back in the Arena and the Gamemakers were listening in on our conversation, the phone started to ring. Awesome. I ignore it and climb up the stairs. I hadn't touched it since I got back and I wasn't planning on it anytime soon. See? That's the difference between Peeta and me. He cares about others, strangers, I guess I just don't.

*ooOoo*

That night I tossed and turned unable to sleep, Peeta's words still echoing in my ears. _He's just trying to do his job, but you won't pick up the phone._ Feeling a headache coming on I roll over squeeze my eyes shut and make my list.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17 years old. I live in District 12. I am the mockingjay..._ until I gratefully lose consciousness.

*ooOoo*

The next morning I still have a throbbing headache and a bruised conscience. The first thing I do is go downstairs and pick up the phone. I grit my teeth, I find myself doing that a lot lately, use the callback feature and finally call Dr. Aurelius. He had left 37 messages.

"Hello. Dr. Aurelius's office, may I ask who's calling?" A young female voice asks.

"Uh, Katniss Everdeen." I reply.

"Okay, are you a patient?" She asks.

"Yes. May I please speak with him."

"Of course, let me connect you to him, please hold for a moment." She replies.

"Thank you." I remember to say.

"Katniss?" Dr. Aurelius's friendly voice reaches my ear.

"Hi." I say.

"So you finally decided to call." He sounded a little relieved.

"Yes. I did, Peeta mentioned you were trying to contact me." I say feeling a little guilty.

"Yes, yes I was. I know you're going through a rough time right now, Katniss. But you need to talk to me. It's the only way I'm going to be able to help you." He says.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry." I reply.

"It's okay. Just pick up the phone the next time, okay?" He asks.

"I will." I promise and I knew I would.

"As I talk to you more I promise I won't bother you as much." He says.

"Okay."

"So how are you feeling?" He asks.

"Fine. Headache." I reply.

"Yes, well that happens. Especially with everything you've been through. So are you eating normally? Sleeping?" He asks getting down to business.

"Yes. I eat. And I sleep... the nightmares still come back every night." I admit.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like me to prescribe some sleeping pills?" He asks.

"No! I've already tried those, they don't... help." I say remembering when Effie Trinket used to make me take them on the train during the Victory Tour. That also brings back _other_ memories of nights on the train, but I push them away.

"Okay, if you say so. But I will prescribe some minor pain pills. They should help with the headaches and any other pain you have. And I'll send over some relaxing pills to help ease the stress. They should arrive with the next supply delivery." He explains.

"Okay, thanks." I say.

"Katniss, I know you feel bad right now, but it will get better. I know you probably haven't done much, but get into a routine. Go through the motions. Get up, make your bed. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Go through the motions. It will help. I'll call you tomorrow." We say our goodbyes and I hang up.

I hear a meowing at the door and see Buttercup there looking at my with his ugly yellow eyes.

"I've been wondering where you are." I say to him. He just hisses at me in response. That relationship hasn't changed.

"Fine, be like that. Dr. Aurelius says to go through the motions. So I'll have to feed you, won't I?" I find an old can of tuna in the pantry and drain it for him.

"Enjoy." I tell him. He ignores me and keeps eating.

*ooOoo*

The next morning I wake up and decide that I needed to clean up and get my act together, at least, as much as possible. I guess I have gotten a little out of practice. I was still in the clothes I had changed into yesterday morning, filthy from hunting and working on the Primrose bushes. I had to try and get back to at least taking care of myself! As I showered and changed and brushed and braided my damaged hair, I decided to play a little game with myself. I would list all the good things I could think of right now.

_I'm Katniss Everdeen. I'm 17 years old. I'm alive. I'm back in District 12. I'm alone, but that's okay. No, I'm not entirely alone. I have Peeta and Haymitch and Greasy Sae. I'm actually clean._

Okay, the list was short, but it was there. I sighed and went downstairs hoping to find something edible for breakfast. Instead the phone rings.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Very good, Katniss." Dr. Aurelius says. I scowl into the receiver.

"Thanks, I guess."

"Okay, this was just a little test. To make sure you were up and eating and trying to set a routine for yourself. Also to see if you would answer the phone." He says. He sounds relieved.

"Yes. I'm awake. I was just about to eat breakfast." I say.

"Okay, very good. Now along with your routine building, I have something else I want you to do in the next few days. Understand?" He asks.

"Yes." I sigh.

"Okay. Good." He pauses.

"Well? What is it?" I ask, impatient to get off the phone.

"I want you to call your mother."

**Just wanted to get this chapter up already! So I left this chapter there. I hope this story is going okay. I'm trying to follow the facts (unsuccessfully – sorry!), but make it interesting too and I don't know how well that balance is working out. Hehe. Oh well. I'll keep trying…**

**Mx2Blue326**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey all****，**  
><strong>It's been a while - sorry about that. But here's another chapter for you. Hope you all had safe and happy holidays!<strong>

**Disclaimer:**** All rights to Katniss & Co. belong to Suzanne Collins.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

_"I want you to call your mother."_

I stare at the wall, frozen. If I could move I would have dropped the phone in surprise, but no such luck.

"Katniss! Hello? Katniss!" Dr. Aurelius's voice sounds in my ear, but he sounds a million miles away. I force myself to loosen my death grip on the handle of the phone and try to force myself to remember how to function properly. It's not going so well.

"What?" I ask in a hoarse whisper, I'm shaking.

"Katniss," He sounds relieved. "I just want you to call her, you need this. She needs this, you need to talk to her." He says sincerely.

"No. I don't." I reply softly, almost to myself.

"Yes, you do. You're denying the fact that you want to talk to her, but you're just too scared to face what's waiting for you. I understand that you haven't seen her since, Primrose's death, and you think that once you do this it will make her death real, but you need to move on. I'm not saying forget about her, but you need to keep living your life. She would want you to." Okay, that really got to me. _She would want me to._ I know he wasn't talking about my mother when he said that.

"No. I don' t need to. Anything, I'll do anything, but that." I say, trying to avoid the unavoidable. I know he knows that I know he's right but he has the decency to just sigh.

"Katniss, you haven't been making life very easy for me. I've had to pretend treating you but now that you're finally picking up your phone I need to do my job. I want you to call your mom as part of your therapy. That's my final word on the matter." He says it gently, but firmly and I know that I owe him, _her, _and my mom, this one favor, this one phone call.

"I-I'll try." I finally get out.

"That's all I'm asking for, Katniss. I promise, it will help. I'll call you in a week. Your medicine should be there tomorrow. Take the doses you need to and just that. Be sure to keep trying to get into a routine. Over time, I promise, things will start to have meaning again." Yeah, right.

*ooOoo*

The next day I follow Dr. Aurelius's orders and try to start somewhat of a routine.

Wake up.  
>Make the bed.<br>Change my clothes.  
>Brush and braid my hair.<br>Eat some breakfast.  
>Brush my teeth.<br>Go outside, and water Prim's bushes.  
>If I saw Peeta there, exchange a few words with him. Nothing too heavy. Light conversation. I was keeping to my "I'm a friend" plan. So far it seemed to be working.<br>Walk to Haymitch's. Make sure he's still breathing.  
>Go to Greasy Sae's. Stay with her for a few hours. Help her with whatever she was doing.<br>Eat something at Greasy Sae's.  
>Go home.<br>Clean the house.  
>Weed Prim's bushes.<br>Take a shower.  
>Eat dinner.<br>Go to sleep.  
>Start all over the next day.<p>

*ooOoo*

Well, I would have started it all again the next day but decided to stop again because it felt weird and wrong to do. After my solitary and unorganized life trying to get back into a somewhat organized life was not going to be easy.  
>It had been three days of the same routine over and over again. I was on my way back to weed Prim's rose bushes when I ran into Peeta. This was a first, the other days I was somehow able to avoid him. <em>Conversation time. <em>I guess, falling back to the guidelines I set up for myself.

"Hello." I say.

"Hi."

"Did you do some baking today?"

"Yeah. I'll bring some over."

"Okay, thanks."

"You're welcome." And that was that. I turn and continue on with my routine.

*ooOoo*

That night I dreamt of Prim. She looks at me with somber accusing eyes. They seem to ask me, _What are you doing, Katniss?_ For some reason I know she doesn't mean right now in the dream. She means what am I doing with my life. Why am I just going through the motions.

_I don't know._ _Because you're gone. Because I'm alone._ No words are spoken, but she seem to understand. She shakes her head sadly at me and gets me to my feet. I didn't even know I was sitting. She lets go of my hand and starts walking and I realize we're going into the forest surrounding District 12.  
><em>No! <em>I want to tell her._ It's dangerous! _But no warning can escape my lips. With no choice, I follow her. She smiles at me and walks through the trees. Oh, now I know where she's going. The meadow.  
>When we reach there another girl seems to materialize out of thin air. Rue. Her arms hover like wings, ready to take flight at a moments notice. Prim runs to her and they embrace. The smile at me and beckon me forward. I walk slowly to them. With every step I take another one of my friends and family come back to me. First my father, then Finnick. Cinna and Boggs are next, and so on and so forth, until I'm surrounded. I feel a tear slip down my face as I see their healthy, smiling faces. Without moving their lips, their voices echo in my ears. They all tell me.<br>_We're okay. Don't worry about us. Be happy. Don't be afraid to smile again, laugh again. Don't be afraid to live again._  
>All around me there's a bright light. It's blinding. No, I don't want to leave them yet! No! But still smiling, they leave one by one until only Prim is left. She comes up to me, kisses my cheek, and she's gone too. The light becomes so harsh I have to close my eyes.<p>

My eyes flash open again, sun beams making me squint. It was all a dream. Just a dream, no nightmares. It the first time since that last night I slept with Peeta that I slept free of the nightmares. I even felt rested and let's just say, better than I had in a long time.  
>I sat up in bed. And looked at myself in the mirror. I hadn't bothered to take a bath yesterday, my hair was in a rat's nest. Dirt was still caked under my nails. Did I look this bad when I saw Peeta yesterday. No, I had changed my clothes. But I looked down to see I had failed to take off my father's hunting jacket, again.<br>Prim's face enters my mind as I sit there. I still remember my dream, as if she were standing before me in real life. She was disappointed in me. I was going through the motions, not even really surviving. I grind my teeth together. Even though fate made the mistake of taking her life and keeping me alive, I would try and fight. Fight for Prim, fight for Rue. Fight and live for my Father and Finnick who was never going to see his baby son again. Live for them. I knew then that even if it didn't seem like it now. I would be okay. Not perfect, not as happy or as whole as I was before, but okay. I would survive, even if it felt like it was killing me in the process, I would survive.  
>I take a deep breath and get up and walk to the phone. I grab the number that I've stashed away in the cupboard and with a deep breath and shaking hands I dial.<p>

As the phone rings I try and remove some of the dirt under my nails with a small pocket knife I had found in one of the kitchen drawers. It looked better but not much.

"Hello?" My mother's voice was like a punch in the gut. I feel as though I lost all my breath in my lungs leaving me gasping for air.

"Hello?" She repeats sounding concerned. After another few seconds of silence she asks, "Katniss?" I put the phone back down in the cradle and take small steps away from the phone. I wasn't ready. Not yet. I burst into tears.

*ooOoo*

The next day I braced myself and tried again.

"Hello?" She sounded the same, but now that I had gotten over the initial shock of yesterday I could hear the sorrow buried deep under her voice.

"Hi." I whisper, my voice cracking. I clear my throat and my voice comes out stronger the second time, "Hi." I say.

"Katniss?" My mom asks, hope and longing in her voice. She missed me.

"Yeah. Sorry I took so long to call." I say quietly.

"It's alright, honey. Are you okay?" She asks just as timidly.

"Yes. Dr. Aurelius has been checking up on me." I say.

"Oh, that's good, that's good." She sounds distracted.

"How about you are you okay over there?" I ask. I felt ashamed that she had to ask me before I asked her. Normally I was the one who did the caring for, not the one on the recieving end of it.

"I'm okay. I like helping out the doctors here." Her voice caught. "There are still a lot of injured civilians." Then she finally starts weeping. I start crying too.

"Prim," her name stuck to my throat, "would have been proud of you." I tell her. I just her whimpers through the phone. Crackly and distant.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I'm sorry, but I couldn't go back there, I just couldn't stand it. Being in that house..." _without her_. She didn't say it but I knew what she meant.

"No, I understand, Mother. It's okay." I say trying to be strong, for her, for Prim.

"You were always the stronger one out of us." My mom finally says. I feel a small flutter of affection in my chest. She had never said it before, even though we both knew it, she had never said it actual words. "She would be proud of you too." I my throat constrict with unshed tears. I knew she couldn't bring herself to say her name yet but it was a start. The healing, for both of us, would have to start somewhere.

"Thanks, Mom. I'll call you again soon." I said.

"Okay." Her voice sounds small and I would have given anything to have her there with me so I could wrap my arms around her.

"Take care of yourself. I love you." I say, feeling the need to end the conversation quickly. I didn't want to open anymore wounds.

"I will." She promises. "You do too. Say 'Hi' to Peeta for me." She says. There's a maternal edge to her voice that rarely made an appearance. She didn't know that our relationship, or whatever it was, was still a long work in progress.

"I will." I say then hang up. I felt as if a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My mom was okay. Our family was broken, but it was healing and it would continue to as time went on. It didn't feel like that right now, but I had to hope. I had to hope that tomorrow it would be better.

*ooOoo*

Later that day as I was watering Prim's roses an idea took root in my head, as I pondered it it blossomed into an idea. A very solid idea. I suddenly knew what I wanted to do. Something that would keep me occupied and something that would be important to all of our healing. It was going to take time and it was going to hurt like hell. But it needed to be done. I would need Peeta's help with it as I couldn't even draw a straight line. But all of a sudden hope flickered in my dormant heart. Maybe, this was it. My way to get back with Peeta. My way to prove we were friends, not enemies. My way to make things right.

* * *

><p><strong>What is Katniss's new plan? Just wait and see. :) Until then, may the odds be ever in your favor.<strong>

**~Mx2Blue326**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey!**  
><strong>Here's Chapter 4 for you all... enjoy! It's a little longer! Thanks for all your comments - you guys are the best!<strong>

**Disclaimer****: Katniss & Co. belong fully to Suzanne Collins! So thank her for these lovely characters, this is just my interpretation between what happened after the war and the end of Mockingjay. I also realize I am not as talented as Mrs. Collins so don't fret - I know already. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

"Dr. Aurelius?" I ask when he calls later that day.

"Yes, Katniss?" He asks. I hear the surprise in his voice, normally it's him that starts the conversations. This is a definite first. I take a deep breath and start, it's too late to back down now.

"I want to make a scrapbook of sorts. I want to put every single person that I can remember who was lost in the war and commit their memory to paper," I say. For a moment there's silence.

"Dr. Aurelius?" I ask. What they couldn't trust me with a pen and paper?

"Yes, I'm sorry, Katniss. I think that's a wonderful idea. What will you require?" He asks. I hear relief in his voice - shock was what had made him pause.

"Well... a bound book with blank pages would do nicely. I want it to be simple but..." my voice trailed off as I tried to find the right words to describe it. I gave up and just replied with, "They deserve that." We both knew they deserved so much more, but at this point this is as good as I could do. "I also need a variety of writing utensils. Possibly a few sets of colored pencils, paints, or watercolors? Brushes and loose paper?" I suggest. That last part I barely get out, but I do.

"Katniss?" I hear the warning in his voice.

"Yes?" I ask, steeling myself. I knew what was coming.

"Please don't take offense, but I know you can't draw a straight line for all it's worth. There's only one person who those art supplies can be for and you and I both know this is not going to work," he reprimands.

"I know, it's fast. But well... he let me hug him," I whisper quietly.

"He what?" Dr. Aurelius asks in shock.

"I know, I know. It was dangerous and stupid but I -" _I've been so lonely_, was what I was going to say, but I couldn't admit that; not even to Dr. Aurelius. "I was just caught up in the moment." I say. That was, after all true as well.

"Well, that definitely is an improvement." He replied slowly. "Have you spoke with him much after that?" He asks me.

"No, not really. I've been trying to steer clear of him since... that happened." I say softly.

"See? I still think this isn't a good idea. You haven't been having daily conversation and interaction with him. You know how delicate his situation is right now." Dr. Aurelius pleads.

"I called my mother." I say trying to throw him off track. It works.

"You did? That's wonderful, Katniss!" He says enthusiastically - probably so happy to get away from the topic that troubled him beforehand. Too bad I'm stubborn and will keep going for it.

"Yeah, but about Peeta, he's not going to get better unless he has his memories, the true ones. I think this will help him trigger more of his memories as well as help him rebuild his relationship with the others." _And with me. _I didn't add it but I was thinking it. I tried to sound persuasive. I guess it worked because Dr. Aurelius relented with a sigh.

"Okay, Katniss. It's up to you. But I don't want you to be doing anything risky like you did before." He cautions.

"Yeah, sure." I mumble.

"Oh, and Katniss?"

"Hm?" I reply.

"Don't be too disappointed if he says, 'no'." I hung up the phone before I could do something stupid, like throwing it against the wall.

*ooOoo*

**Peeta's POV (A/N:** Let's experiment here, shall we?**)**

_I'm running as fast as I can. There's a stitch in my side but I can't stop. I can't let them get to her. I hear her screams ringing in my ears echoing off the trees. I have only one thought. _Keep her safe._ I'm panting and sweat is dripping down my face. Glancing down I notice a wickedly sharp knife clenched in my right hand. Good, I might stand a chance. But I know that's not the case. It never is in situations like these._

_The thought pushes me harder and I find I'm not running as fast as I possibly can - no, not when it comes to her. I catapult through the trees and into the clearing just in time to see the flash of silver glinting wickedly in the sunlight. It lands with thud at my feet. Everything suddenly looks as shiny as the knife blade. I look up to see her, Katniss, shining and smirking at me. I realize it then. It's a trick, she was never in trouble, she was never in any danger, as a matter of fact it's me that has the arrow pointed at my rising and falling chest. The dried leaves I had been running on are suddenly snakes twisting around my legs, pulling me to my knees. My feeble attempts to pull them off me are pitiful. Trying to regain my breath, I stare up at her. Shock, anger, and then pain. Endless hurt and pain course through me as I realize her betrayal. She must see how much this is hurting me, how this hurts more than a thousand arrows can, a thousand snake bites, but there is no mercy in her gaze. I close my eyes as she pulls back the bow. It's no use to run now, even if I could, she never misses her mark. I hear the whoosh of air as the arrow slices through the air and buries its shaft into my chest._

I wake up with start, paralyzed before reality sets in. I sit up and bury my heads in my hands trying to get a grip on my mind. Rocking back and forth I replay the nightmare in my head. I remember the running, the screaming and then her betrayal. Katniss. I grit my teeth and try to push the memory of the nightmare from my head. It's moments like these when the unwelcome suggestions start coming. Poisoning her bread? Stabbing her in her sleep? Strangling her while she waters the rose bushes? _NO!_ I grit my teeth banishing them from my mind. This is when I'm most dangerous. When I am unpredictable and uncontrollable. It was taking all my will power to convince myself that I shouldn't harm her, shouldn't go running for her house when I know it would be so easy - NO! I dig my nails into my palms. When I finally release my fists, there are eight deep, angry, red crescents branded into my palms.

_Where did my memory go wrong?_ That's the first thing Dr. Arelius told me to ask myself when I was having my "attacks". I imagined him sitting there staring at me and asking the question.

_I was running and... the clearing! I remember now. The knife. The knife was flashing in the sun. But then everything else started sparkling. The snakes, why were there snakes? There weren't any before the knife... were there? No, I remember Katniss's sparkling skin as if she were on fire. That's where it went haywire. _

I take a deep breath as I start to calm myself. He would nod and move onto the second question, _Are you in control?_

Reply truthfully, I reprimand myself. _No, I'm not, but it's getting better. _He would nod again and finally would ask the third question:

_What really happened?_ This third question is possibly the hardest of the three, though the first is difficult to answer as well.

I imagine him sitting there, patiently waiting for the answer that won't come. Once in a blue moon would I actually remember what really happened on my own. Normally he had to answer this one for me. Turning back to the task at hand I try to remember but draw a blank. It's funny, I don't remember the beginning of this memory either. I'm too confused to do anything but fall back on my pillows and fall back into a restless, dreamless, sleep.

*ooOoo*

Sunlight filters through my window when I open my eyes again. Shuddering at the nightmarish memory I had last night I go through my usual routine. The one Dr. Aurelius had established. I got out of bed and made it. Then showered and changed into a pair of clean clothes. After brushing my teeth, I headed downstairs to eat breakfast and start the bread for the day. Boating the kitchen table and my hands in fire I start kneading the dough I had made. A knock at the door pulls me out of my concentration. _Who could it be?_ I wonder. I look at clock and see that it's 9:36 am. I walk to the door, trying to wipe the flour off my apron before touching the door handle. I open the door and freeze in shock. Standing on my doorstep is Katniss. She looks thinner than ever and there are dark circles under her eyes. Her look is wary and guarded.

"Hello, Peeta." She starts.

"Hello, Katniss." I say matching her serious, formal tone. Checking to make sure I'm in control of myself I remember my manners before I invite her inside. "Please come in."

"Thank you." She replies softly giving me a small smile when entering the door.

"How have you been I ask?" Hoping to practice small talk as we settle ourselves back in the kitchen.

"I'm surviving." I almost crack a smile at her words.

"That's good." I reply.

"So, you must be wondering why I'm here." Katniss starts after a few seconds of awkward silence.

"Umm... yes, I am." I admit. I'm curious but a little suspicious too. I'm still on alert after last night.

"Well, I have this project I want to start," Katniss begins. "I want to make a sort of scrapbook holding the memories of all the people who died during the war." She says letting out a breath. "I can do the writing but I feel it won't be complete without some sort of visuals of them to along with the words. That's where you would come in... So I guess I was wondering, if maybe you would want to help me?" Katniss asks tentatively.

"Oh." Is all I can think of in reply. This was surprising. I studied her face intently. The face I knew I used to trust but now haunted me.

"It's just that, I thought you may want to put the memories back and help me make a memory of them. Also, you know I can't draw and would need your help, desperately. I already spoke with Dr. Arelius and he agreed to send me materials for the scrapbook." Katniss hurried to explain.

"Yes, but what about the fact that... well, I'm still not... safe to be around." I say. Hidden beneath my words is the silent _"and I still don't trust you"._

"Well, we've done this before... with the book of plants and herbs. Remember when I was hurt and bedridden you came over and helped illustrate the plants? You said that, that was one of the only normal things we've done together." She says softly.

"Yes. I think I remember that, but I'm sorry, I want to help but just don't think I'm ready for this yet." I reply with a sigh. My thoughts are balled up in confused snarls and I can't think straight. My mind is remembering something else that happened when Katniss was hurt. It was a nice memory, I remember that, but can't quite grasp the entire memory.

"Dr. Arelius said you might say that. Okay, thanks anyway. If you change your mind - you know where to find me." Katniss says looking at the floor. I walk her to the door and we exchange goodbyes.

Walking back to the kitchen that memory is still nagging me. I can't remember it clearly, only the essence of what happened. I knew that it would bother me until I could remember this memory. Sighing I return to kneading the dough.

*ooOoo*

_I'm running as fast as I can. There's a stitch in my side but I can't stop. I can't let them get to her. I hear her screams ringing in my ears echoing off the trees. I have only one thought. _Keep her safe._ I'm panting and sweat is dripping down my face. Glancing down I notice a wickedly sharp knife clenched in my right hand. Good, I might stand a chance. But I know that's not the case. It never is in situations like these._

_The thought pushes me harder and I find I'm not running as fast as I possibly can - no, not when it comes to her. I catapult through the trees and into the clearing just in time to see the flash of silver glinting wickedly in the sunlight._

_A rapidly growing red stain spreads from where the knife protrudes from her chest. No! I'm too late! Her lips form my name before she collapses, dead onto the leafed floor. I sink to my knees, all the fight drained out of me. A cannon sounds, ringing like a gunshot through my head. _Katniss, Katniss, Katniss... She's gone, she's gone, she's gone. _Is the only thought in my head, I'm numb, too overcome to do anything but stare. My life is over; if she dies, I die. I life my head to see her attacker. He smiles, enjoying my pain and saunters forward to kill me. Let him._

I wake up, drenched with sweat for the second night in a row. For some reason I know this is real. I've had this dream before, many times. There was nothing shiny about it. So this is what it felt like before. Before when I still loved her, before my memories were hijacked, before the war. Before, when this feeling, this immediate feeling of losing _her_, was the thing I feared the most. Was the thing that brought me the most pain. A flash of that pain shoots through my chest but flickers away just as quickly. I lay there gasping, hand over my heart, marveling at the reaction. No, I'm not supposed to feel like this. Feel these feelings for this girl who I barely know. Who I still don't trust. My mind shies away from the reaction but for some reason, I feel lighter than I have in months. Settling back down I stare into the dark ceiling.

Out of nowhere a word, one said in my own voice, appears in my head. _Always_. I close my eyes. Where did this come from? I see flashes of a bedroom and Katniss lying on a bed. She looked terrible, sick and exhausted. She's holding my hand, murmuring to me, _"Stay with me."_ _Always._ _Always. Always. _Not knowing what to make of this I close my eyes until sleep overtakes me.

*ooOoo*

**Katniss's POV **

Well, I had half expected his answer to be 'no', but I still walked home tinged with disappointment. I knew it was a long-shot but I hoped it was a risk he would be willing to take. I guess I can admit to myself now that I am all alone and really hoped that by doing this project together, we could be friends again. But of course, silly me.

*ooOoo*

The next morning I awake to a knocking on my door. Vaguely shaking off the dream about a rat gnawing off my face, I quickly dress and go to the door. Before opening it I peer out of the peep hole to see who it is. You can never be too careful.

Surprise fills me as I see the familiar blond hair, stocky build and bright blue eyes standing at the doorstep. _What does he want?_ I wonder.

"Hello." I say, opening the door. I can feel the confusion plastered on my face.

"Hey." He replies warily. He's standing so awkwardly.

"Ummm would you like to come in?" I ask. Gosh - it's like a repeat of yesterday, but worse.

"Yes, thank you." He says, wiping off the mud from his shoes. Turning to the kitchen I ask him, "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, please. That would be nice." He replies with a small smile. Filling a kettle, I turned on the stove and waited for the water to start boiling. Feeling eyes on my back, I turn to see Peeta staring at me; watching my every move.

"May I help you with something?" I ask. Suddenly I'm wary.

"Umm... actually I was coming to ask you if your offer for help with the scrapbook still stands." He replied.

"Oh." Yep, definite repeat of yesterday. But I'm seriously shocked, I didn't think he would reconsider. "Yes, yes it does if you would like to help me." I reply. He smiles at me and I flashback to the times when sharing a smile was as easy as breathing between us.

"Okay, great. When would you like to start?" He asks.

"Well, I have to wait for the materials to come from the Capital. Dr. Arelius is sending them so I'll let you know when they arrive?" I suggest.

"That sounds good." He says with another smile. Hesitantly I return it with a small one of my own. I'm happy to just stand there like a dork, looking at him before the corners of his smile twitches. "Umm... I think your water is ready." He says gesturing to the water boiling in the pot. I had not even noticed that the bubbles were getting dangerously high enough to spill out onto the stove. Turning quickly I turn off the stove and pretend I'm having difficulty grabbing two cups from the cabinet so he doesn't see the blush on my cheeks. _What is going on with me?_

I pour the water into the cups and add some tea bags to our beverages. Handing Peeta a cup, our fingers brush. As soon as he has his hands around the mug, I pull away quickly. No need to confuse myself anymore than necessary. After a few more minutes of small talk and sipping on our tea Peeta stands to leave.

"I'll drop off some cheese buns later on." He says.

"Okay, that sounds great - thanks." I reply.

"No problem." He says. Right before he opens the front door he abruptly stops and turns around to me again.

"This is going to sound odd, but was there a day when we were in your bedroom and you were hurt?" He asks me. Huh, what an odd question.

"Ummm... yes. The peacekeepers had turned on the electricity in the fence by the meadow. I was stuck on the opposite side of the fence, I ended up jumping over it after climbing a tree and hurt my tailbone and broke the bone in my heel." I said, remembering the memory. We had gotten by the peacekeepers, but only just. That was a time when he held me without fear, without confusion. That night, when my family was still together.

"That's right," he mutters to himself.

"What?" I ask.

"Oh no, I just remembered that moment for some reason." He says, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Well, I remember I had difficulty getting up the stairs on my own, so you carried me to my bed. I was so tired. I, well, I grabbed your hand and held it."  
>"That's right, you did." I looked at him in surprise. He remembered this?<p>

"You remember that?" I ask him.

"Yeah. It's been just on the tip of my memory, you know? I just... I feel like I said something that day. Something important." He replies.

"Well... you were going to leave, but I didn't want you to. I was just so tired and my mom had given me some medication so I was a bit drowsy. But I grabbed your hand and asked you to stay with me. Until I fell asleep at least. I don't think I was awake long enough to get that last part out though," I say, a small smile on my face, lost in my memory.

"That makes sense. I stayed, right?" He confirms, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Yes. Yes, you did. You said something else but I didn't catch it. I was already losing consciousness." I replied. _No, you remember._ My brain tried to say. I remember the time when I woke up in the Capitol and heard that word Peeta had murmured. _No, it was just a hallucination. _I chide myself. Yeah, that was it.

"Always." Peeta whispers, as if I had just voiced my thoughts aloud.

"What?" I ask, my eyes wide.

"Always. I said 'always'." Peeta replied looking at me in wonder.

"Really, you remember saying that?" I ask.

"Yeah... it's been on my mind for a while now." He replies.

"I was waking up one day in the Capitol and thought you had said that, I guess my subconscious caught it after all." I reply in a whisper.

"Huh, I guess it did." He says looking me intently in the eye. "I'll see you later, Katniss."

"Yeah, see you." I reply, still a little dazed.

"Oh, and Katniss?" I look up.

"Thanks." He says, giving me a half smile.

"For what?" I ask.

"Giving me a chance." Then, still smiling I watch him turn and walk away.

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><p><strong>Sorry that it's been a while! Hope you enjoyed this chapter - at least it's a little longer than usual!<strong>

**- Mx2Blue326**


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